she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
