he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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