im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
