i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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