His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
