This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
