hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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