she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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