I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
