I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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