just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
