So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
