I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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