also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
