I queefed so loud it echoed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
