I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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