um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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