If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize