I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
