So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
