I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
