Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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