I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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