thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
