haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
