Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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