I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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