Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
