Screwed.edu
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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