i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
