Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
