I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
