just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
