whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
