You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
