If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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