he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
