Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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