Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
