I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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