ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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