Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
