People in love make me want to vomit
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
