I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
