they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
