I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
