I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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