I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
