He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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