well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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