I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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