Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
