You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
