Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
