Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
