how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
