The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
