i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
