You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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