Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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