you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
