He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
