she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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