someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
