Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
