Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
