I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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