we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize