Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
