I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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