this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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