before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
