Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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