I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
