We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
