i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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