I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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